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Nitro Cocktails: Even Cooler Than Peeing Your Pants (barely)

by volunteer staff contributor

C. Mavis Jeffries

Retired Welder, Great Grandfather, and Booze Enthusiast

"I'll bet you a ripe peach I can sit still longer than you, ya little draft-dodger."

Alright, you bunch of cocktail enthusiasts and those looking for a little kick in your drink – let's chat about these fancy nitro cocktails on tap. Now, I ain't here to sell you a dream; I'm here to share a yarn, a laugh, and maybe, just maybe, convince you that there's more to these nitrogen-infused concoctions than meets the eye. So grab a stool, and let's shoot the breeze about how these drinks ain't just about what's in the glass but the tales and grins they bring.

"And so I says to him, I says... 'I KNOW the coupon is expired, but only two weeks. It's only five dollars. How bouta little—ya know—good will from the house? For an old beach stormer...' Ya. So that's what I told 'em; I told em that." — C. Mavis Jeffries.

Mixing Magic Like an Old Pro

The Visual Circus:

Picture this – you pull that tap, and nitrogen starts doing its little dance in your drink. It's like a show, right in front of your nose. The swirls, the fizz, and that foam that's fluffier than your aunt's Sunday pancakes – it's not just a drink; it's a visual circus. Who knew you could get entertained before even taking a sip?

Aromas and Textures: No Nonsense, All Flavor

Forget the hoity-toity. Nitrogen ain't just there to look good; it's there to make your taste buds do the happy dance. Aromas kick in, and that smooth texture – it's like your tongue's on vacation, lounging in a silky hammock. No nonsense, just pure flavor.

Playing with Flavors: The Mad Scientist at Work

And then, my friends, comes the fun part – playing around with flavors like a mad scientist. Nitro cocktails ain't about sticking to the same ol' recipe; they're your canvas. Mix, match, and surprise yourself – it's like being the Picasso of the bar, minus the weird mustache.

"It's not expired, as long as it's been in the damn refrigerator."
— C. Mavis Jeffries.

Behind the Scenes Drama

Drawing Them In: Not Just Drinks, but an Experience

Now, let's talk about what really matters – how nitro cocktails bring in the crowd. It's not just about offering drinks; it's about inviting folks to join a damn experience. The menu becomes a storybook, and each drink is a chapter that begs to be tasted.

Variety Keeps the Joint Buzzing:

And let's not forget the spice of life – variety. Nitro gives you the freedom to keep things interesting. Regulars won't know what hit 'em, and you'll be smirking behind the bar, knowing you're keeping things buzzing. It's not just about changing the menu; it's about keeping the joint alive.

Numbers That Tell a Story: Happy Customers, Happy Wallet

And for the bean counters out there – nitro cocktails ain't just about looking and tasting good; they bring in the numbers. More folks mean more cash in the drawer. Simple math – happy customers mean a fatter wallet for you. Who said money can't buy happiness?

"Pants! What the hell do you call these, eh? Take a gander. My favorite long Johns. I call 'em The White Wafflers." — C. Mavis Jeffries.

A Touch of Adventure: Spice in a Boring Day

In a world where routine feels like a straightjacket, a sip of a nitro-infused creation is a touch of adventure. It's not just a drink; it's an invitation to spice things up, explore, and maybe pull a face at a flavor you never saw coming. It's the little surprises that make each day a tad more interesting.

Extra Character in the Day: The Cherry on Top

And when a joint goes the extra mile to serve up something special, it adds that extra character to the day. Nitro cocktails become the punctuation marks – the exclamation points or ellipses – in the narrative of our lives. The cherry on top, if you will.

Final Thought

So, there you have it, you thirsty bunch – the crass, old man's take on nitro cocktails. It's not just about the drinks; it's about the laughs, the surprise, and the stories we share. Here's to the grins, the raised eyebrows, and the joy of making each moment behind the bar a damn good time. Cheers, my friends!

Wink wink.

Check some mighty fine N2U Nitrogen Generators of all damn sizes at

"I don't care what ya call me; just don't call me late for supper." — C. Mavis Jeffries.


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